Monday, November 29, 2010

Steam List

This is a simple list of games that I currently own through Steam. This list is for personal reference and also for anyone that may be interested in playing a random game online with me at some point. If you find something that you own and you want to go play, send me a message over FaceBook, AIM, Yahoo or whatever you may have and let's set up some game time! :)

[My Steam List]
4 Elements
Battlefield: Bad Company 2
Bloody Good Time
Borderlands (+ all DLC)
Bullet Candy
Call of Duty
Call of Duty 2
Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
Call of Duty: United Offensive
Call of Duty: world at War
Cities XL - Limited Edition
Crysis Warhead
Crysis Wars
Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition
Deus Ex: Invisible War
Devil May Cry 4
Earth 2160
The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (+ all DLC)
Eternity's Child
Everyday Genius: SquareLogic
Evil Genius
F.E.A.R.: Extraction Point
F.E.A.R.: Perseus Mandate
Faerie Solitaire
Fallout 3 - Game of the Year Edition
Foreign Legion: Buckets of Blood
Freedom Force
Freedom Force vs. the 3rd Reich
Frontlines: Fuel of War
Ghost Master
Grand Theft Auto
Grand Theft Auto 2
Grand Theft Auto III
Grand Theft Auto IV
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Grand theft Auto: Vice City
Gratuitous Space Battles
Half-Life 2
Half-Life 2: Deathmatch
Half-Life 2: Episode One
Half-Life 2: Episode Two
Half-Life 2: Lost Coast
Heavy Weapon Deluxe
Heretic: Shadow of the Serpent Riders
HeXen II
HeXen: Beyond Heretic
HeXen: Deathkings of the Dark Citadel
Killing Floor
Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead 2
Lost Planet: Extreme Condition
Metro 2033
MEVO & the Grooveriders
Mirror's Edge
Monkey Island 2: Special Edition
NecroVisioN: Lost Company
Numen: Contest of Heroes
On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode One
On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness, Episode Two
Overlord II
Overlord: Raising Hell
Penumbra: Black Plague
Penumbra: Overture
Penumbra: Requiem
Plants vs. Zombies: Game of the Year
Project Freedom
Puzzle Dimension
Puzzle Kingdoms
Red Orchestra: Ostfront 41-45
Resident Evil 5
RIP 2: Strike Back
RIP 3: Last Hero
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky
S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl
Sacred 2: Fallen Angel
The Secret of Monkey Island: special Edition
Sniper Elite
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Tank Universal
Team Fortress 2
Titan Quest
Titan Quest: Immortal Throne
Toki Tori
Unreal Tournament 3: Black Edition
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Chaos Rising
World of Goo
X-COM: Apocalypse
X-COM: Enforcer
X-COM: Interceptor
X-COM: Terror from the Deep
X-COM: UFO Defense
Zombie Bowl-O-Rama

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The latest!

There have been some serious problems lately. My brain has been shifting between thoughts faster than ever before and it makes me feel like I'm going into a system overload. I honestly don't know what to do about this. Or really, anything that's going on.

Right now, things are a mess. Some things are good, while others are bad. Other things may just seem irrelevent, but hey, this is my blog, right? I'm here to let everything out in an attempt to clear my overloaded mind, so I'm going to do exactly that.

Emily and I are a wonderful couple, but there are some serious complications that I really don't think I should discuss here. Although, you should know that we're happy with one another. The problems that we're dealing with are not with one another, rather we just need to be strong together and pull through some very obnoxious stuff. We're growing as individuals and as a couple and it sure isn't easy sometimes, but we always bounce back with smiles on our faces within' a few moments. I love her. She loves me. That wont change. Ever. One day in the distant future, I'll be standing by her side, hand in hand, in front of everyone, waiting to say the words "I do."

In other news, I'm broke. Still, I've been trying to apply to jobs more now than ever before. I've even sent my resume to a bunch of random places, including various computer-themed jobs from local listings. I've had no bites, but there's still hope, although I'm still annoyed at how long it's taking me to land a real job.

I haven't had as much trouble with my family recently because I've been spending an awful lot of time with my girlfriend and her family. I'm still generally annoyed by their antics, but I can deal with things like that more when I'm not spending as much time around them. I guess this is a positive thing, though.

I've been spending most of my gaming time with my DSi XL. I upgraded from a silver DS Lite a few weeks back and ever since, I've been hooked. I play a whole lot of Pocket Monsters: Black with a hard-coded English patch for most of the important text, but I do play other games from time to time, depending on my mood.

There's still some WoW time here and there, but even when I do log in, I just don't feel as attached as I used to. I was never truly addicted, but I used to spend a whole lot more time playing that by comparison to other games. Now, I'd rather play some Borderlands, Left 4 Dead 2 or even a random puzzle game. Still, when Cataclysm drops, I'll likely be playing WoW a whole lot again for a good while.

I've slowly stepped farther away from the idea of getting drunk with friends constantly. I still drink every other week or so, but I don't typically get much more than a buzz. I did get drunk enough to puke recently, but that's a rarity and even pushes me even farther away from alcohol. Right now, I don't have any desire to touch alcohol and I feel stronger about that every time I drink. Perhaps some day soon, I wont want to drink alcohol at all. We'll see, I guess!

My diet has pretty much been cancelled for the past 2 weeks, what with the opening of the new Cici's, a trip to Hibachi, several trips to Burger King and a few late-night snacks during bouts of frustration. However, there's a brand new Planet Fitness opening up that's located in Golden Ring, which is down the road only a small way from where I live. That's a serious thing for me, considering the "24/5" operating hours and the fact that I can get transportation there at almost any time. Hopefully this inspiration lasts long enough to get my foot in the door. Once it's there, I'll start getting serious again and it'll all just click into place.

I haven't been hanging out with people as much lately. This is actually a personal choice, as I just haven't been in the mood to actually go out and do a whole lot lately. My friends are great people, but I just can't be going crazy and putting on my game face 24/7 these days. I'm into way too much random stuff! Still, if you're reading this and you want to make plans, make sure you do so a week or two in advance. I try to keep an actual schedule these days most of the time in order to keep everything going at a nice pace without the risk of things overlapping.

Hanging around Emily's family has done something very odd to me. I'm still the same over-the-top guy with an obscene sense of humor, but my "potty mouth" has been towned down quite a bit because I've had to watch what I say most of the time out of respect for the company I keep. This is by no means a bad thing, but I'm just surprised that it's becoming a permanent change.

My air conditioner broke. I hated being without it at first, but I've become so used to it that it just doesn't bother me anymore. I used to have it on all winter long, but now, it just doesn't matter. Of course, I'll be saying otherwise once it gets hot again, but I'm sure I'll get another air conditioner when that time comes. But everyone who knows me understands how crazy that is. R.I.P. air conditioner! You provided me with 8 years of constant airflow all year-round! You were truly an amazing piece of technology!

On that note, I think it's time to end this blog. I might post more sometime soon. We'll see. Otherwise, take care. Good night everyone!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Can't sleep.. here's a look into my dark side..

Here I sit, a 26 year old man with nothing to show for my life. I have accomplished nothing of any real merit. Not a single thing I've done or said will get me anywhere. I will not be remembered for the things I've done.
Those thoughts are merely the beginning. From there, things go even farther downhill. My train of thought eventually reaches the point of no return. And let me tell you: when that happens, I'm one hell of a wreck. We're talking panic attacks, lack of sleep, self-discouragement, overeating; the whole 9 yards. I actually get so bad that I do nothing, quite literally. I lay in bed, trapped in my own living nightmare, where there's no sign of hope.

The worst part about this whole thing is that I can't stop myself from thinking about these negative things. No matter who tells me everything will be okay, the reality of my life is right there, dangling in front of me. There's no way to just make that reality something different by clapping my hands. It is what it is and that's how things work.

I don't know what to do. Am I slow? Is there actually something mentally wrong with me? Am I just unable to live the same life as everyone else? I truly don't know what's wrong with me.

I'm capable of many things, but there's no career out there for someone my age that hasn't ever held a serious long-term job. I have a GED and 0 college credits. I never plan on going back to school, either. And no, it's not due to a lack of interest. I literally can't learn things as they're taught to the masses.

Yes, I learn fast. Yes, I'm intelligent, Yes, I have a whole lot of interests. Those are not the problems.

The problem is that I learn at a very fast pace in a hands on atmosphere, but I absolutely require a serious interest in the material. I absolutely cannot remember things if I have no serious interest in the subject. It's a serious problem that extends into every aspect of my life.

To give you an example, I understand how many foreign languages work. The same goes for programming languages. However, I can't actually remember most of the words/phrases, no matter how hard I try. With programming, I forget all sorts of variables and the exact way things are written. I know the structure and I can generally read code like it's the English language, but I can't create things from scratch without reference snippets and a shitload of time to refine things over and over. If there were a job simply reading code and translating it, I would be a genius. But that's not the way things work.

But anyway, I've applied for many jobs. I've created a few resumes and sent those out, too. I've even received decent job offers that require a license, but that creates yet another problem: I need money to get my permit, take driver's ed, buy a car and keep myself insured. My parents and various other family members were never willing to help me with that.

Yes, yes. I realize that it's a normal part of life to work at a local job by using the bus or simply walking to and from work, then using the money for the whole permit->driver's ed->car thing. However, I've yet to be hired by anywhere, local or not, that can deal with my bad back and/or Tourette's Syndrome.

Yes, my back problems can be that serious and the whole thing does prevent me from performing tasks that involve heavy lifting or being on my feet constantly for 8 hours a day. Yes, I really have Tourette's Syndrome and YES, it's a serious problem in many fields of work. Think about it. How would some clueless customer feel about an employee yelling the word "Balls" in their ear? It's not going to happen 24/7, but anyone who knows me understands. I can't control it half the time. The rest of the time, I'm just joking around. But that other half? Yeah, it doesn't just disappear. It's a very harsh reality.

I mean, on the casual side of things, I can enjoy my social life and be happy like anyone else, but I feel like my life is ending before I even have a chance to be independent. Sure, I can be happy and have a great time, but how is that going to get me a home, groceries, a license, a car and support for an eventual family someday? It wont.

It could be argued that I'm the only one who can take action and turn this all around, but I'm doing what I can with the means I have access to. I don't seem to have any reliable connections to get my foot in the door anywhere and no one out there is willing to offer serious or helpful advice. People can tell me "You'll find something!", but I need REAL help. I need help finding local jobs. I need help sorting shit out and really gathering the pieces of my life together before it's too late. I don't want to be a 40 year old man sleeping in my parent's house. I want to be independent and really own my life.

I obtained my diploma. That's a start. It's a late start, for sure, but it's something. From here, I have no idea what to do or where to go. Even if I were to obtain my license, I couldn't afford a car and especially not the constant insurance bills. It's a paradox. Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I just don't "get it".

Such is life. If anyone out there has constructive stuff to say, please, feel free to privately message me and we'll talk. I'm open to all forms of advice and suggestions.

For now, I need to chill out. Writing used to get rid of the anxiety, but it just doesn't work anymore...